pinky promise

                                                                              

I'm just going to come out and say what I've been feeling because I honestly don't think anyone really reads this little blog of mine... and if you ARE a real human being and you're sitting there reading this, then whatever.

I miss you terribly. But I also love you to the moon and back, so like I promised, I'll continue loving you on the opposite end of the world. That's how I feel, you know. I feel like we're on opposite ends of the world. Heaven and Earth. And it's really weird, because whenever I'm anywhere I can feel you near me. And because of everything we were and everything I shared with you, I can't help but to think of you no matter what I may be doing or what I may be talking about. I've got pieces of you in every aspect of my life, and all those little pieces cut up my heart like shards of glass and cause it to bleed. Because each and every time I think of you, I remember that we aren't much of anything anymore aside from a bunch of worn down memories and shattered dreams.

But I told you from the beginning that my heart was yours. I told you that I wanted to always be a part of your life, no matter what role I was given. And you promised me that you would never say goodbye. But those shards of broken glass are awfully sharp and I'm feeling awfully bitter beacause you were taken away from me. I feel as though I had to take all the emotions I had given to you and  shove them back down my throat. And even though I'm choking over all those feelings, I did it because I loved you. But in the end, I couldn't keep you. 

So what do I do now?

You promised you'd never leave me. 

I guess that's where the tears come in. On nights like tonight, when I allow the songs from your playlist to haunt me like the ghost our friendship has become. I let the notes of the songs that remind me of you creep into the corners of my dark room and into the darkest crevices of my mind, and I welcome the tears. Because sometimes I just want the world to know that I can't always be as strong as I'd like to be. Because as much as I'd like to deny it, I'm hurting. I'm hurting because I miss you.

What happened to the boy who held me close and wiped away my tears even though he didn't know why I was crying? What happened to our pinky promises? Because I can't have any of those things with you anymore, and that's terrifying to me.