a piece of myself

*disclaimer: this post isn't a happy one and one to turn to if you want the warm fuzzies. if you're looking for that, i advise you to look elsewhere for now. also, i'm not writing this so i can get pity points and people can think, 'oh, poor erika, i'm so sorry'. i'm not looking for that.

i've debated back and forth with myself whether or not i should write this post. if it was a good idea to be vulnerable and open up a part of my life with my readers, that not many know about. it scares me to write this post, i will be completely honest. but, i share my story because i want people to know there is hope. i know there are more people that read my blog than those that show their face. maybe, this is for them. maybe, i'm writing this post for me, to help me continue to heal. My name is erika and I suffer from depression.

In the past I truly believed that I wasn't good enough for the people around me. Pretty much my entire life I've lived to please everyone else and can never meet the expectation that is set for me. That spiraled me to think that I was never good enough for my friends, my family, boys, a job, anything. I didn't deserve anything in my life. I thought it was normal and everyone had these feelings, so I kind of just ignored it. I tried really hard to put on a good facade--to make people believe I was happy and fine, and in hopes, that I would eventually believe it too.
I needed these feeling gone, the hurt gone. it would make everyone else's life so much better if i could just be happy.
I have no idea what changed me, when asked this question, I can't really answer it. All I know is that I woke up one day and realized I never wanted to feel that way ever again. 
Today, I am a survivor and fighter. All of my problems are not gone, but I am learning to deal with them in a better way. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I have so many loved ones here to help me through this, and I will fight my depression.
 I hope that if you suffer from depression and are in that 'dark' place we all know too well, that you know there is hope. There is hope for you to get better and to live to your best potential. You are never truly alone and there are so many people rooting for you--I am rooting for you.