Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.

- Hannah More.

Forgiveness.

There is no doubt about it. It's a marvelous thing. It's a heart warming thing, it's one that makes you think, maybe humanity isn't so bad after all.

But is it really a good thing to have it in excess?

Is it a weakness, or a trait?

I'm not meaning to be arrogant, but I do tend to forgive people exceptionally easily, but now I'm beginning to question whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, - not forgiveness, but forgiving too easily.

And I don't say those sorts of things over petty, inconsequential things.It's just made me wonder if people are taking advantage of me, of that forgiving streak in me.

Because, what's to stop people from hurting me, and then they know that it'll all be fine in the end, because I'll forgive them. What's to stop them from doing it again? And again? And again and again? If everything goes back to the way it was, why should anyone worry about hurting me? If no consequences occur, there's nothing to stop them.

People just take advantage of it, and I'm really not sure I want that any more. So, as of today, I will only forgive people if they really deserve it. And I really hope I can stick to that promise.

home is where the heart is.

Home is where I want to be. Home, for me, is waking up, curling your toes into the blanket at the end of your bed, rolling over and going back to sleep. Home is being surrounded by people who love you no matter what, and who care for your dreams as much as their own. Home is movie marathons and mugs of tea which fit perfectly in your hand because the mug is yours and wearing your worn out pajamas all day long. Home is wrapping my arms around my son. Home is white blank sheets of paper. Home is that place where you know you just belong.
Home is different for everyone. For some it is not within their house, but at a place elsewhere they feel like they belong. Home could be a hut on a distant beach where nobody can hear you singing in time to the waves. Home could be holding the hand of someone you love and feeling so comfortable and safe that your heart flutters with every step you both take together.
Today I am having a day where I feel completely at Home. I'm wrapped in a blanket on the sofa watching Spiderman and cuddling my little boy. I am writing, I am singing, I am drifting in and out of daydreams and I am content with my surroundings. Sometimes, I wonder what it must be like to not have somewhere to call Home. To never feel comfortable or safe or protected by the dangers of the world around you. To feel so without a place to call your own or without people you care for and who care for you. Sometimes, I see a homeless person, their shoulders drooped in fear of attracting too much negative attention, their eyes so drained of hope or joy, and wonder if they have a place to call Home. Or if they ever had one. Or even know what it is like to feel at Home. Next time you're walking the streets, your head high with the hopes of reaching Home, with the knowledge you are about to receive a warm meal and a caring embrace, take a second to look down. Take a second to acknowledge those without a Home, to perhaps drop a few coins into a cup which will perhaps one day contribute to a Home. Offer a cheerful smile or a kind word or two. Share your Home with the world.

Reflection

You, you there in the reflection, are you me?  Am I you, standing here, am I all you ever were?  Who are you, and do you feel what I feel?  Do days greet you where you wish to smash the glass you’re locked behind?  You there in the reflection, can you hear the words I don’t whisper and do you love the same as I?  Speak to me, tell me all I need to hear and show me what I cannot understand.  The backwards view you’ve always had is exactly what I need.

Where I've been hiding.

I've been feeling incredibly antsy... I can't sit still without feeling like I might explode. I've been trying to figure out what is causing this, and while I don't have one solid answer, I think it's a combination of all the "change" happening or not happening in my life- making me feel anxious.

Overall I've been feeling overwhelmed, there have been moments when it takes all of my common sense to not just pack up my car and head... who knows where? So to satisfy that urge to get away- I've been retreating to the river by my house. There have been moments when I suddenly feel that I might burst, so I grab my shoes and run out the door. I have been climbing the trees as high as I can before the sun gets too low and it's time to head down.

I feel incredibly blessed to live where I do, to have the retreat my heart needs- just a few steps from my front door. As I climbed a tree the other day, I paused to rest and take in the scenery. While I sat there, it was absolutely silent... nothing but the waves crashing and the wind blowing. I felt like I was finally able to breathe properly. It's been the best medicine for my anxious soul. My mind is too busy concentrating on the task at hand and the scenery in front of me to think about all of the other things that cause such static in my brain.

Things are working out, slowly but surely. But while they are still sorting themselves out- I've got the river to run through me. 

good morning.

Do you remember how the electric spark that we felt when we first touched never went away?

That lightening lives inside me still and will always shock me ever so slightly when any piece of you touches any piece of me for any reason at all. 

Put your fingers to mine and watch the sparks dance. 

YOU CAN.

I have found that beauty more than anything depends entirely on the beholder. We're often the harshest critic of our own beauty. I think it's time we start being our own biggest fan--because if we don't believe in ourselves... 

who will?

Here's to new.

I want to wear my hair in a messy bun and eat ice cream out of a cone and take pretty pictures.

I want to stay up late, drinking tea and writing and building forts out of old sheets.

I want to dress up without reason and dance to my favorite songs and read every book I own.

I want to tell everyone in the world how beautiful they are and how much they deserve.

I want to visit all the places I spent my days while I was young.

And tell stories about how much I've changed since then.

I want to laugh and laugh until if feels as though my lungs might burst.

I want to live each day like it has a purpose, because each day does

And I know I don't always treat it that way,

So here's to a new day, a new start and the beginning of change.

Let's talk about this film.

500 Days of Summer. 

One of very favorite movies.

It's cute.

It's romantic.

It's hilarious.

It has one of the best soundtracks of all time.

I think it was somewhere in between the karaoke night, playing house in Ikea, him sketching buildings on the inside of  her forearm, and the Hall and Oats dance moment that I fell in love with this movie. Some might say that the ending is stupid, but the ending is actually what made me love this movie the most. 

If 500 Days of Summer were just another typical romantic comedy, Tom and Summer would have ended up together in the end. There would have been a cute make-up scene, a monumental kiss, and a cheesy one liner just before the credits began rolling. But it's not a typical romantic comedy, and I love that. It's a realistic story about new love. It reminds us that even when things don't work out the way we think they should, it's not the end. Even when we get hurt or people we care about leave our lives, there's still hope and happiness to be found out there. Love is a real emotion, a real thing, not a fairy tale. Whether or not fate is involved, love will find us all someday, and when it's with the right person, you'll be sure. 

"I just... I just woke up one day and I knew."

"Knew what?"

"What I was never sure of with you."

transforming

I've been figuring out my life more lately.
who I am.
who I have become.
who I want to be.
lessons I've learned.
changes I need to make.
things I want to do and see.
and in a way it has brought on this whole new excitement for me.
and I know without a doubt that when you are at your lowest, new things are about to happen. 
life can get tough and frustrating and overwhelming..
but one thing I always know is that those time are allowing things to change.
trials give you an opportunity to be better than you were.
trials are a second chance.
a new opportunity to start over and become.
I think that is beautiful.
emotional, physical, spiritual trials...
they are all for your good.
even when they seem endless and like they are too much.
it sucks. 
trust me, I know.
they can make you feel like "this is it."
and that is never the case.
there's always more to life.
and I don't know, i'm just glad we are supposed to figure out things by ourselves...
because someone can tell you something 100000 times, but until you are ready to accept it and learn it for yourself, it won't mean anything.
To me? That is such an important part of life I wish and hope everyone can relate to.
I have about a thousand things I want to say right now and my thoughts are all just so ridiculously jumbled (if you couldn't already tell).
which is good...but I just don't know how to get them all out..
so for now,
be yourself, do things that make you happy, be accepting of everyone, and be passionate.

strange things

Last night while I was sleeping,
    or trying really hard,
I realized some things about my heart.
It often feels broken and I often think it hurts,
    but I don't think that is what is really going on.
         not anymore.

My heart, it is not broken,
Not in the way that I imagined.
It is cracked, thousands of times.
But not because of the people who "broke" it.

No, no, I realized this,
those people didn't actually break my heart.
They took their space and stayed.
Then another came along,
And he did the same thing.
He held a space within my heart,
    every inch of it, it seemed.

With each love that left,
I thought I felt my heart break.
But truly, it was getting bigger,
truly it was changed.

There are cracks, yes,
but not from gluing up my heart.
There are cracks throughout the surface,
    because it is growing faster than it ought.

So now you might be asking,
does this mean that she's in love?

If I'm answering honestly I'd have to tell you..
Yes.

Not the kind of love,
Where I want to grow up,
Grow old in love.

The kind of love....
Well where I want them to be happy,
    The happiest they can.
I want them to do all the crazy things life has in store for them.
I want them to see the world,
    through eyes I won't forget.
I want them to change the world,
     And to see the change within themselves.

sums it up perfectly.

If you said goodbye to me tonight

There would still be music left to write

What else could I do

I'm so inspired by you

That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone

Now I know that happiness goes on

That's where you found me

When you put your arms around me

I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh

For the longest time

Oh, oh, oh

For the longest time

I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall

And the greatest miracle of all

Is how I need you

And how you needed me too

That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long

But you feel so right

And I could be wrong

Maybe I've been hoping too hard

But I've gone this far

And it's more that I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on

Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone

I'll take my chances

I forgot how nice romance is

I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start

I said to myself

Hold on to your heart

Now I know the man that you are

You're wonderful so far

And it's more that I hoped for.

I don't care what consequence it brings

I have been a fool for lesser things

I want you so bad

I think you ought to know that

I intend to hold you for

The longest time

Who are you, really?

You are not a name or a height, or a weight or a gender.
You are not an age and you are not where you are from.

You are your favorite books.
And the songs stuck in your head.
You are your thoughts.
And what you eat for breakfast on Saturday mornings.

You are a thousand things.
But everyone chooses to see the million things you are not.

You are not where you are from.
You are where you're going.
And I'd like to go there too.

A personal manifesto.

I believe in challenges. I believe that i will be a better person through overcoming them. I believe that the harder the challenge, the more rewarding the outcome. To the near impossible task I say "bring it". I believe in creativity, I crave the unusual and enjoy seeing that the world is far from boring. I believe the world reflects how you see it, through a creative perspective the world is endless with possibilities.
I do things on my own. I am a self-starter. I believe in self motivation. I believe in hope, in optimism, in the future. i believe I will create a future i am proud of. I will create my own path, I am optimistic that it will be good. I believe in others. I will accept others. If don't agree with their choices, I will still love them unconditionally. I hope my friendships to be sort of a refuge for misfits. I believe in love. More than a primal need to be loved, I need to give love. I need to give my love to those around me. It grows as people love me back. I believe in laughter. I believe in the infectious nature of happy. I believe in vast expanse that lies ahead.

every step

each and everyday we are faced with life.
faced with emotions.
obstacles.
chances.
trials.
changes.
relationships.
successes.
challenges.
beginnings.
because that is what this life is about.
and each and every moment is making us who we are.
things are added to us.
things are taken from us.
things are thrown at us.
things are given to us.
and each and every day we are never the same.
we are not entirely constant other than the fact that we are constantly transforming.
and all we can do is take it a step at a time every step of the way.
and with every step we take, we are becoming.

scissors

Ever feel like you're drowning in someone else's negativity? 

Like they're headed down a path of self destruction or mediocrity and they're trying to bring you down with them?

You're better than that.

Find the positive people in your life. 

People who lift you up and help you up when you're down. 

People who appreciate you.

People who love you.

People who respect you.

And hold onto them. 

Tight.

Don't be afraid to cut them loose. People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage yours. 

Easier said than done, I know.

But worth it.

If you cut someone off, chances are they handed you the scissors. 

oh, baby.

Me? I'm scared of everything. 

I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am,
but most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling 

the rest of my whole life 

the way I feel when I'm with you. 

beautiful.

that's my problem.

Anytime something good comes about, i tell myself it's too good to be true.

that somethings just dangling in front of me, only to pull it away not too long after.

& now this is what I'm working on.

Enjoying the magic as it comes, and loving every minute of it.

And believing that it has true potential.

b e r e a l

via

There are too many people out there who aren't comfortable in their own skin. Living day by day trying to be someone they are not. Trying to be like her, dress like her, look like her. But guess what?
You are not her. Or her. Or her. Or her. Or her.You are you. And you have qualities that others wish they could have.

You were made to be your own person. Have your own wants, likes, and desires.That is what is so great about life.We are all different and have so much to offer. But we can't do that when we are  constantly comparing ourselves to others and not striving to build our own selves but rather someone else.

I think it is important to find people to look up to. People that inspire you and that you want to be like. But don't try and be them. Because truth is, you won't be. And it doesn't sound too lovely putting all your time and efforts into being someone else. It isn't happiness. It is just too much time wasted and invested into something that eventually won't work out. 

Become yourself. Take qualities you like in other people and try to build them in your own way.
Don't copy them. Cause we are not all copies of each other. And goodness, lets be grateful for that. Have confidence in yourself. That you are someone that others look up to, for being yourself.

Accept your flaws. Embrace your weaknesses. Cause those are apart of you and make you different than everyone else. Don't be ashamed of them. Don't hide them. Acknowledge them and improve them. I find that the people I really admire are people who are real. People who know themselves and have accepted themselves. Even when they know they aren't perfect.

This is all easier said than done but you gotta start somewhere. I started with looking at my flaws.
Not in a completely negative way, but just really noticing them. Guys, I can be a selfish individual sometimes. I can read way too far into a situation and create a scenario that isn't even meant to be there. I think too much. I have things in my head and when they don't go as planned it sometimes temporarily ruins me.. Those are all things that I don't love about myself but they are apart of me. They are. Simple as that. And I can improve them because I have that choice.