decide.

Sometimes you just have to decide that you have had enough. Sometimes you just have to make that completely solid decision that enough is enough and that things absolutely, positively have to change....and you have to make that decision before anything else can happen.

And sometimes...you have to hit a pretty rock hard place to finally get to that decision...to finally get to that place where things are painful enough that you will do anything to change them.

You see, you have to DECIDE that you are DONE feeling rotten, or you are done getting treated badly,or you are done being taken advantage of, or you are done being overweight, or you are done doing a job that you can’t stand, or that you are done hurting yourself. And you are the only one who can really decide that for you.

So, thank those times that get you to that place. Thank the rock hard places that wake you up and make you finally decide that enough is enough. Instead of cursing those experiences and those times in your life, thank them for getting you to finally decide to do the right, but difficult things that will get you to where you want to be. 

Because once you decide.....everything changes. Once you decide to finally believe the truth that you are as valuable and important as everyone else...that happiness is meant for you too....that your soul has always been meant for peace.....once you decide, you can do it.

It won’t be easy...but staying where you don’t belong is far more difficult. When enough is enough, be brave and listen to your soul. Listen to Truth. Go where the peace is. 

unwritten

There are things in my mind.

Things I can't find the words to say.

Things I don't know how to write.

Things that are trapped inside me, and only me.

Sometimes I long to share these things.

But when I try, I feel it only comes out wrong.

I can't express the feelings I feel anymore.

The things happening inside of me.

Because I'm not quite sure even I understand them.

Yet they are me.

And I, them.

These unwritten words have come to shape me.

To be me.

They invade my thoughts and guide my hands.

They cause me to see clearly...but at times cause my mind to fog.

They stay inside my head and only mine.

I try to let them out.

But despite every part of my being they seem to control...they can't quite leave the tip of my tongue.

They remain merely that. The tip.

And I live in fear that the tip will topple over.

And my emotions will spill out.

And what will become of my mask? Broken.

And my heart?

Who knows.

But I like to know.

I feel I need to know.

To be secure.

But what is security, really?

Who is secure?

Without faith, there is no security.

And these feelings can get in the way of my faith.

But they can also guide it.

Faith and the unspoken part of me?

Together they could become strength.

But where is the hand that will show me my strength?

Is it in me? Like they all say.

Where inside of me is it?

Behind the mask?

Beneath the fog?

Or has it been there all along?

In front of my eyes.

On the tip of my tongue.

In the depths of my heart.

All around me.

And inside me.

Inside us all.

Is the hand this unwritten part of me?

The part I have to find for myself?

Could it be that this hand is not the key...but the part of me that needs unlocking?

And it is this key that I have to find.

With the unwritten words. And the unspoken feelings.

Together with faith.

There is my key.

And the part to unlock?

Is it me?

Don't let it change you.

I saw it in your eyes that day; I don't know why I never saw it before, but suddenly their blue depths were a mirror and I could look straight into the thoughts you allowed me to see. As you laid beside me on the grass, and as you looked up at me, I saw the anticipation for life and the beating of your heart which kept time to your laugh. We jumped into the piles of leaves and tried to make the most noise, and I felt like I was reconnecting with a part of me that I had pushed down for so long. You made me feel alive again, but here is the truth: I've gotten lost somewhere between the pain and yearning for healing. I let myself wander, but I never quite came home. And I'm working on being found, but sometimes recovering takes much longer than the wounds take to form a scar. And I have always been the one who evaluates every pain and heartache; I study what I feel and I find myself among the flaming orange leaves that leave a trail for me to follow. But sometimes I am reckless. I dive in without thinking, I rush off without wondering how I will get back, and sometimes... I think that's okay. It's like driving down a road and having no idea where you are going, it's an adventure. You can have your eyes closed, but you will never see the light of day; and I think that doing the things you are afraid of is the first step to healing. I hate being vulnerable and that is something that never used to keep me back from loving, but that was when I was your age. And now I find myself hiding in the shadows, and holding back; I keep my heart and sit as far away as I can, but that makes for the loneliest hearts. And I'm learning to let go; I'm finding the freedom in spreading my wings and facing fear, but nobody ever said it was easy. And now, as I am looking into your eyes that are filled with happiness and the expectation that everything is going to work out, I realize that you are ahead of me by a mile. Your eyes tell the story of your love and fearlessness, but your very distinct vulnerability. Yet you aren't afraid of being vulnerable, instead, it makes you cling so much closer to those you love. And I just want to tell you to never change. One day you will open your eyes and you will realize that this world is a cruel place, that bad things happen to good people, and that you have no control over anything. But see, that's when you stand. You brush off the negativity, and the small thinkers; you dare to dream big and you accept life the way it is, and find joy in it. Don't let the hurt put out your flame, but don't ever brush off the pain. Pain and joy are both beautiful things, and you want to go through life with your eyes wide open. (because it really is a beautiful place) Do the things you are afraid of, and step out of your shell. Keep your sense of expectation, because it really is going to get better. And don't ever lose your sense of wonder, or your laugh. One day, your laugh will keep someone alive. Dear little boy, please don't ever change. (you don't have to.)