unwritten

There are things in my mind.

Things I can't find the words to say.

Things I don't know how to write.

Things that are trapped inside me, and only me.

Sometimes I long to share these things.

But when I try, I feel it only comes out wrong.

I can't express the feelings I feel anymore.

The things happening inside of me.

Because I'm not quite sure even I understand them.

Yet they are me.

And I, them.

These unwritten words have come to shape me.

To be me.

They invade my thoughts and guide my hands.

They cause me to see clearly...but at times cause my mind to fog.

They stay inside my head and only mine.

I try to let them out.

But despite every part of my being they seem to control...they can't quite leave the tip of my tongue.

They remain merely that. The tip.

And I live in fear that the tip will topple over.

And my emotions will spill out.

And what will become of my mask? Broken.

And my heart?

Who knows.

But I like to know.

I feel I need to know.

To be secure.

But what is security, really?

Who is secure?

Without faith, there is no security.

And these feelings can get in the way of my faith.

But they can also guide it.

Faith and the unspoken part of me?

Together they could become strength.

But where is the hand that will show me my strength?

Is it in me? Like they all say.

Where inside of me is it?

Behind the mask?

Beneath the fog?

Or has it been there all along?

In front of my eyes.

On the tip of my tongue.

In the depths of my heart.

All around me.

And inside me.

Inside us all.

Is the hand this unwritten part of me?

The part I have to find for myself?

Could it be that this hand is not the key...but the part of me that needs unlocking?

And it is this key that I have to find.

With the unwritten words. And the unspoken feelings.

Together with faith.

There is my key.

And the part to unlock?

Is it me?