epiphany

How do i know what i want to do with my life if i don't even know who i am yet?

Because i have no idea who i am.

That may seem strange, but i still feel like i need to discover myself, find myself, be myself.

And i think the only way to know who i am is to be alone, with just my thoughts, somewhere different, somewhere strange.

And that is my epiphany.

i want to travel.

i want new cities and people and languages.

i want unfamiliar cultures and foods and ways of life.

i want to get on the first plane to anywhere and make my way from there.

i don't want to just see things; i don't want to hop on a place to the city i'm visiting, take a taxi to my hotel and take a walk to the attractions and then just leave, i want to explore everything about the places i go - i'd rather walk and go by car or bus or train to Cairo than take a plane and see the pyramids for a few days and fly back out again.

i want strangers and hostels and budgets and distance and freedom and food where i can get it.

i don't want pre-booked expensive hotels and ready made plans and schedules.

i want to live.

i want to experience the thrill of looking at a map and making a split decisions of where to set off to next, pointing in a direction and heading off with no solid purpose.

i want to escape and focus on nothing but where my next step will take me.

i want a trip that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

i want to run away and never look back, to experience something beyond the mediocrity of everyday that people seem to just accept without question.

wouldn't it be nice to just up and go?

to leave a brief message explaining where you went, but no details for contact and just pack a backpack and flee.

to hitchhike and bus and train your away around the world.

i want to meet people for a few brief seconds, exchange only a few words but keep them forever in my memory.

i want to meet people and maybe spend time with them, travel with them and make friendships that will never be broken.

i want to make those kind of bonds, i want to have people from all over the world etched in my mind forever.

and at the same time, to have no ties to anyone, to just be alone, with your own thoughts.

that's how i think people discover themselves, that's how people find out who they really are; to have no one but yourself to rely on and maybe sometimes the kindness of strangers.

there's no better way of finding yourself.

i don't want to be a tourist, i want to be a traveler.

and back we are to my epiphany moment, because this is exactly what i want to do.

how can you not know yourself after so many weeks and months of travelling and escaping?

and spending that much time away from home, away from everything you know and experiencing a new side to life and doing all these new things and seeing and tasting and hearing unfamiliar things, it would be impossible not to find a calling in life.

when you've experienced that much, how can you not find something that appeals to you?