these nights

they drive me to blinking without end.

I blink until I don't remember.

my eyelids start to click as they open and close

and I wonder how I made it through these nights the last time.

I think 

and think again

trying to remember 

how I made it through these nights the last time.

with my window open I can feel the haze,

this thick summer night, it pins me down

it tells me what to say.

I'm listening carefully.

          

at least...

 I think I am.

sometimes, late at night, I stare into the darkness 

until I can't remember if my eyes are really open at all.

I stare and stare, searching,

 willing my eyes to see something,

anything.

sometimes in these nights,

when I stare

I'm afraid that I might really see something.

out from the darkness, from the obscurity,
but more times I'm afraid that I won't see anything.

anything at all.