complexity

This life is a crazy thing. Simple as that. It is a big world with things that are unstable and constantly shifting. Part of me thinks that is terrifying, the other part of me find complete excitement in that. It's fun to sit here and dream about how I think my future will turn out. It's exciting to think about going to college...living on my own... meeting that special someone...falling in love...starting a new life. But it is just as terrifying to think of all the what if's and to think about the unknown.

I guess that my problem is is that I like stability. I like knowing things that are for sure. Things that are solid. Because I have a hard time with losing things..and people. I don't like feeling stressed and at loss, I just don't. So when things are for sure life is just easier for me. But I know that that isn't how life always is. 

I want to be the girl who is carefree and doesn't worry about things. I want to always be the girl that doesn't care about what others say. I want to be the girl who isn't always thinking of the bigger picture. I want to be the girl who is living in the now and not worrying about the future. 

And, sometimes I am. Sometimes that is me. But not always. Because I am not completely stable myself. I go from one thought process to the next. One outlook to the next. One thought and dream to the next. Because that is life. Life is unknown. Life is an adventure. And I guess I wouldn't want to have it any other way...but it's sometimes hard to think of it like that. Sometimes it's easier to just want something solid. To have every single detail planned out...but I always have to remember is that life will turn out the way it is supposed to be.  My future will be something that is completely different than what I think it will be right now. Because if I already knew everything that is going to happen...I probably wouldn't want that life to come true.

Because I wanna create the life that I want to have. I want to let happy and sad things happen and make the best of it all. I want to be surprised. And excited. And challenged. I want to live.